Tonight I let it hit home. My life has changed.
This week has been amazingly wonderful, and now I realize it has also been emotionally exhausting. I've been burnt out at work, and I failed to recognize why. So much has changed in a short time, and I've been caught up in the craziness of it all. I moved into my new place, made some new friends, and got back into work after a few weeks away...and I now feel the toll it's taken on me. And tonight, for the first time in weeks, my life was free from the frenzy...it got real quiet...and I found myself blindsided by some pretty heavy emotion.
It started with Her. I really love that movie. The way that it approaches the concepts of love, change, and self blows me away. I'd go so far to say that it was exactly what I needed to see tonight. It's like my mind intentionally stumbles upon the stimuli I need to approach issues that have been weighing on my subconscious. But it was really tough to sit through. I kept thinking about everything I've lost through this recent transition, and while I know it's for the best, I can't help but wish I could have it all (story of my life). Change is tough, because we lose things that we wish we didn't have to. No longer do I get to come home and see my dog Minnie everyday, or interact with my family (even if they drive me crazy at times). And I won't get to hear Janine's laugh, or watch Teeko's diggers again; those are now relics of my past. I made my choices with that understanding in mind, with an eye on all the beautiful experiences that await me in my future...but it doesn't mean that there won't times when I will miss those moments from my past. I wish I could live a life of love without loss, but the world doesn't seem to work that way. Everyone is on their path, and those paths almost always diverge. So where does one find solid ground? In the acceptance of change? In the core parts of ones soul? In true love? If I've learned anything tonight, it's that those questions are begging to be answered, and I find myself here with you now in an attempt to rediscover the way to do so. Thank you for reading.