24 turned out to be one of the best years of my life, and now 25 is looking to be one of the hardest. So far, I've been faced with one unmoving question, which is: what's next?
I look around me, and all I see is the end of things. My dog, Minnie, can't have more than a few months left to live. The place I call home is up in the air, as I feel a push to move out and embrace independence. Nick is getting married, along with so many other people, and it's only a matter of time until people start popping out kids. I guess I'm a bit apprehensive right now, because for so long the path forward was pretty clear, and now it's become quite blurred. I worry that my life is going to look totally different a year from now, not that that's a bad thing, but the idea of that much change in such a short period of time is hard to comprehend.
I think I feel a big stagnant right now, even though I've made strides in my life, because I appear to be the only person that isn't changing. Does everyone feel this way? Are we always waiting for something, and does life always look like it's changing around you? There's this paradox that I'm encountering between the desire for change, and a desire for everything to stay the same. I want more, but I don't want to let go. I think change scares me because I consider myself different from most other people. In many ways I want the same things, but intellectually my worldview is quite different from many of my friends. I'm fighting between this idea to comforn to social standards and settle down with a house and a 9-5 job, or to live a more uncertain lifestyle and make it up as I go. Choices, choices, choices. It seems you can't escape them. But if I have learned one thing so far it's this: it's always better to take a leap of faith and go with what feels right, than to sit around and question it for too long.