What happened? I was working on a project I cared about, living in a tight knit community, and hanging out with people I care about everyday. I had a nice little house, with a few couches, and a couple of cats named Peppe and Challe. I was happy. Then, as if out of nowhere, life changed and I found myself in a cold city, isolated and lonely, without a place, without a purpose. In the infamous words of Dave after dentist...Is this real life?
I was prepared for this. I knew it would be hard coming home. But I didn't think it would be this hard. And to be honest with you, it isn't that hard. I'm surviving. I eat everyday, and I keep myself busy. I don't hate my life, but my spirit is low. I feel like an empty doll, going through the motions with but a few moments a week to come alive when I find myself surrounded by funny friends, loving family, or inspiring change advocates. Everything else just feels...empty.
I want to feel again. I want to fill my heart so that everyday I wake up ready to give everything I have to a cause I care about. It is so much harder to do here though. The public just seems so unhappy with life, and it's hurting my heart. How can you go out and share a space with a thousand people, but feel more alone then any other time in your life? Why does everyone seem so selfish and self-involved? I know there are a lot of good people out there, but on the street so many of them look like robots. It may go hand in hand with dense city living, but it sucks! Where's the compassion? Where's the spontaneity? Where's the freedom? I know the change is coming, and I want to be a part of it. I'm ready to face the hardships and continue on my path of living, volunteering , and working towards a deeper connected humanity. These past two weeks have reminded me how exhausting it feels to do nothing.